What's Doing

I see that the peace and liberty loving government in the UK is continuing on their merry way to remove what few civil liberties the populace has left. Not content with the joke that is ID cards, they now want to remove the right to trial by jury. Well, that’s not what they’re calling it, just merely trying to pass a law which allows the Home Secretary to detain people without trial, much like the nice Americans are doing in Cuba. It’s got to be a bad idea if both the pinko-commie Spy Blog and the not-quite-as-right-wing-as-Genghis-Khan Boris Johnson are both against it.

In essence, the argument is that if you have enough evidence to detain someone then put them in front of a judge. Quite bloody right too. It almost makes me nostalgic for the good old days of David Blunkett. Well, alright, that will never happen. So who is left to oppose yet another bonkers law justified by the "war"? Not the official opposition that’s for sure. I’ll give you even money that the Tories vote for this bill in parliament, the weasels.

We have been assimilated. I’d been holding out hope, in vain I now realise, that we might be able to pass the Wiggles by. No such luck.

We start each day now with stringent cries of "Wiggies!" from JFGP. It doesn’t matter that he can’t
pronounce their name properly, it’s abundantly clear that he wants to watch one of the many DVDs we have magically acquired and that there is going to be trouble if he doesn’t get his way. Watching him watching the gurning loons is quite a disquieting experience. If I had to come up with an analogy I’d have to say that Yummy Yummy is like crack for the under twos.

Thankfully I do get to escape to work on weekdays, so I’m not subjected to inane sing alongs every single day. Even so, with every rendition of "Romp-pomp-a-bloody-chomp" I can feel a little bit more of my brain seeping out of my ear. Hopefully I won’t degenerate to the same extent as a chap I used to work with. Deathwish (for that is his official nickname) would often sit at his desk working away and not realise that he was humming the tune to "Wake up Jeff!". How we laughed at him. Then.

I consider myself doubly lucky. As SWMBO says, it could be worse. He could be hooked on the Hooley Dooleys. A small comfort, but better than nothing.

Oh, and their web site is an awful piece of design. They should strive to at least get into the late twentieth century, or even join the rest of us in the twenty first.

"In fairness, he’s not the best of tossers". Possibly the best line in any sports report or column this week.

For those who don’t want to click and read it’s Matthew Hoggard talking about Michael Vaughan’s prowess with a coin.

And if you don’t know who they are then you can stop reading this blog. You are a philistine.

Obviously, if one is trying to increase one’s social cachet one needs to host sophiscated dinner parties. And nothing says "classy" and "sophiscated" like having Syd Little or Stan Boardman join your guests at the dinner table. Very reasonable rates too. Do you think they travel?

It’s a bit late for me, but if anyone reading this is thinking of indulging in a little paternity in the near future (hint, hint) I’d recommend taking a look at this book. It’s called Fatherhood and is by a very funny chap called Marcus Berkmann. It may not improve your fathering skills but it will provide some amusement whilst you sit around waiting for the little blighter to pop out.

If you are still undecided buy it for this quote alone;

"Do not blame them, for it is not their fault. It’s your fault, like everything else."

Or maybe this one, on the appearance of the child;

"My own first thoughts were, ‘Fuck! It’s a baby!’ God knows what I had thought had been in there all this time. "

It’s time I started to get a bit classier. Whilst it is hard to be more wonderful than I already am, I feel it’s my duty to raise the bar just a little bit higher. In the absence of talent or knowledge being that little bit classier will help on the road to fame and fortune, surely. To that end I’ve decided we need a family motto.

Does anyone know the latin for "If in doubt, drink heavily"?

Happy happy, joy joy. The new Francis Dunnery album "The Gulley Flats Boys" is out. I’ve already ordered my copy and would like to make the bold prediction that it will make my top five (probably one) albums of the year.

As I’ve said before the man is a genius. Go and take a listen. You will thank me.

"let’s make a plea for greater intolerance (carefully directed) in the world."

A marvelous piece in the Gruaniad, arguing that belief in what Cartman would call "hippy crap" is just a step too far. Oh, and it’s very funny to boot. You can take astrology, reflexology, iridology, and all of the other crackpot ologies and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine. So there.

[Courtesy of the ever smashing Ben Hammersley]